I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
