I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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