I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
