I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
