where am i from again
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ugly people sure do ruin things
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
