i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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