Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
