So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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