If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your penis caused this!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
