I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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