oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
