What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
