Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
