I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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