It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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