gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
