I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
