I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
