omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
