Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
