morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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