just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
