Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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