Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
