I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
