You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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