Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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