shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
