I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
