You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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