Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
