3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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