I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
