went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
