who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
