Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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