Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize