Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
