You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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