Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
