I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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