Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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