get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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