your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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