Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
