who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
