bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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