My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
