What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
