Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
