So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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