My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
