This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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