this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
