and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
