I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
