Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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