i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
