dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
