i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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