Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
