took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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