Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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