Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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