I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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