Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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