I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
