Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
