Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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