PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize