my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
