I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
