There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As shirtless as possible
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
