I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
