Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
