Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
