that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
