the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My pussy is not your playground.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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