You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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