i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
