you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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