I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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