People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dear god my vagina.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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