Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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