Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
