So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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