hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
