Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
