the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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