Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
