It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
