Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
