No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
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