I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize