It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
