I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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