Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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