Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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