I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize