it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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