Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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