Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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