so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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