Your dad touched me again.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
