Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
